Why Is Uncertainty So Hard to Tolerate?
By Virginia Lindahl, PhD
You tell yourself you’ll stop thinking about it once you’re sure.
Sure you didn’t offend someone.
Sure the stove is off.
Sure you made the right decision.
The problem is that “sure enough” never seems to arrive.
If this sounds familiar, you may be struggling with something psychologists call intolerance of uncertainty.
For many people struggling with anxiety or obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), the problem isn’t simply worry. It’s that uncertainty itself begins to feel unbearable.
What Is Intolerance of Uncertainty?
Psychologists use the term intolerance of uncertainty to describe a tendency to find uncertain situations especially difficult to tolerate. Most people prefer certainty. The difference isn’t whether someone likes uncertainty. It’s how much uncertainty he feels he can tolerate before he has to do something to make it go away.
Instead of accepting that some uncertainty is unavoidable, the mind begins treating uncertainty as a problem that must be solved before the person can relax, make a decision, or move forward.
Isn’t Everyone Uncomfortable With Uncertainty?
Most people would rather know than not know. Most people would prefer certainty before making an important decision or facing a difficult situation.
The difference isn’t whether someone dislikes uncertainty. The difference is what happens next.
Someone might double-check an address before leaving the house and then move on. A person struggling with intolerance of uncertainty may feel compelled to check repeatedly because the remaining doubt feels unacceptable.
Why Uncertainty Feels So Uncomfortable
Human beings naturally prefer predictability. Knowing what to expect helps us plan, prepare, and feel safe.
For some people, however, uncertainty begins to feel less like an ordinary part of life and more like a problem that must be solved. The mind starts treating certainty as a requirement rather than a preference.
Instead of thinking, “I’d like to know,” it begins thinking, “I have to know.”
That shift makes uncertainty feel like an experience that can’t simply be tolerated.
How Intolerance of Uncertainty Shows Up
Intolerance of uncertainty can appear in many different ways.
Someone may repeatedly seek reassurance from family members, friends, therapists, or the internet. Another person may spend hours researching possibilities before making a decision. Someone else may repeatedly review memories, compare options, mentally rehearse conversations, or avoid situations where the outcome can’t be predicted.
Although these behaviors look different on the surface, they often serve the same purpose: trying to eliminate uncertainty.
Why It Can Become a Cycle
These strategies often work, at least briefly.
Reassurance may provide temporary relief. Research may reduce anxiety for a while. Replaying events may create the feeling that the answer is becoming clearer.
Unfortunately, the relief rarely lasts.
Soon another question appears.
What if I missed something?
What if this situation is different?
Each attempt to eliminate uncertainty can teach the brain that uncertainty really was dangerous and needed to be solved. As a result, the next experience of uncertainty often feels even harder to tolerate.
Intolerance of Uncertainty and OCD
Difficulty tolerating uncertainty plays a central role in many people’s experience of OCD.
Obsessions often revolve around questions that can’t be answered with complete certainty.
People with OCD are usually searching for certainty, not simply reassurance or comfort. Someone with harm OCD wants to know with complete confidence that he won’t lose control. A person with false memory OCD wants certainty that an event didn’t happen. Someone with pedophile OCD wants certainty that intrusive thoughts don’t reflect who he is.
The difficulty is that OCD rarely accepts ordinary levels of certainty. It keeps asking for more evidence, another review, one more check, or another layer of reassurance. An answer that feels convincing for a few minutes often stops feeling convincing once another doubt appears.
Compulsions such as checking, reassurance-seeking, confession, mental reviewing, researching, and rumination are often attempts to achieve certainty.
The problem isn’t simply the intrusive thought. The problem is that OCD insists uncertainty must be eliminated before the person can move forward.
Learning to Respond Differently
One of the goals of treatment isn’t eliminating uncertainty. It’s becoming better able to live with it.
In Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), people with OCD gradually practice resisting compulsions that are aimed at achieving certainty. In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for anxiety disorders, treatment often includes learning to recognize when attempts to eliminate uncertainty are actually keeping anxiety going.
Over time, many people discover something surprising. They don’t become more certain. They become less dependent on certainty.
Therapy for Anxiety and OCD in Arlington, VA
I provide therapy for OCD, anxiety disorders, health anxiety, perfectionism, and related concerns in Arlington. Services are available in person and through teletherapy.
If uncertainty has begun organizing your decisions, relationships, or daily life, contact me to learn more about evidence-based treatment.
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